If you are prejudice to ‘old-fashioned ideas’ then this will sound moronic and retro, however if you do have the true sense of an ‘open mind’ then this will probably make sense, keeping in mind that this is definitely not about red roses or chocolate and is extremely cynical and sarcastic [Valentine spirit] . Or the fact that suddenly everything has magically turned red just because people need an excuse to humiliate the idea of true love on this ‘special’ day.
I've given this subject plenty of thought and came to one conclusion; What a Sham this is! And I’m not even speaking about the mortifying disgrace of the true meaning of love on this day. I’m talking about the disgrace of love in general. I was raised in a certain way, into believing that a girl shouldn’t be in a ‘relationship’, or should she go out with a guy like ‘on a date’ if she’s not in a true commitment with the knowledge of her parents. Back then when I was a kid everything seemed so clear; there was black and white, right and wrong, and the separating line was as clear as blood stain on a white dress [had to put in the color red somewhere for the sake of saint Valentine!] but now, let’s say we’re all living in the ‘morally gray’ region. Now there is black, white and a zillion shades of gray in between. How lame is that!
I believe in Einstein’s theory of relativity; nothing is absolute black or absolute white, but it depends. Everyone has his own frame of reference sort to speak. Everyone has his own limits which exist due to their upbringing, their religious beliefs, surroundings and personal opinions. So basically if you take a look around you, for every person there exists black, white regions only the variety from a person to another gives us a whole damn gray spectrum.
Growing up, I used to think that it’s not fair! I mean we see all the movies, true romance and deep emotions; emotions that Allah created every human being capable of feeling, but at most times even needing. And sometimes the thought even crosses your head and you start making excuses like, ‘Why would Allah put the need to love and be loved within you if you’re not meant to act on it?’ well it gets very confusing eventually and you have two options, let go of all boundaries and act recklessly, fall in love, be in a relationship, break up, get back in a relationship, et cetra. Or you drop the confused conversation within your head and go to sleep, until it resurfaces one more time.
I used to hear the Quranic verses - that are supposedly enough to convince you those romantic relationships outside marriage are forbidden – as,
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ ۚ
So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable. [They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers.
An-Nisa [4:25]
And then my excuse master intervened with the most horrible excuse ever existed right after, ‘everybody’s doing it’; even if Allah has forbidden such relationships, technically we don’t do everything as we should, and besides it will only be Haram if you were weak enough to let things get to a place where thankfully most of the society still agrees we shouldn’t be in. When your belief is not strong you tend to make a lot of excuses justifying what you know is wrong. You tend to be stubborn and fight back, because you have no idea that the only benefit you’ll ever have in this life is if you have faith in Allah and his words. The more you go through life, if you are blessed enough by the tiniest amount of wisdom you’ll eventually learn that everything that is ‘forbidden’ is so for a reason, sometimes we understand it, sometimes we won’t because we’re not meant to be in the same level with our creator nor will we ever be. But fortunately this one case here has a very strong reason.
We tend to forget that we die. We just want to live right now, fall in love right now, enjoy the moment, wrong or right, it transcends time and space and all the platonic teachings of love. We tend forget why we were created in the first place, and just eventually go through the motions. And I assure you God hasn't created all of us to fall in love, because then the suicide rate would have been way higher it already is.
You find a nice guy or a jerk, doesn't really make a difference, just hopefully a guy who’s into you [if he’s not then that’s a whole other topic on self torture which is not currently the point] you start talking, then chatting, then with the long phone calls but hey with limits! Not after 10 at night, then Mr. Excuses intervenes, ‘does time really matter, it’s just a phone call!’, and then hopefully finally with the ‘oh baby, I miss you, we have to see each other, I know you don’t like it and I don’t either, but what am I supposed to do, not see you for all that time’. And viola, congratulations my friend you have officially crossed the line. But you knew you would from the beginning, when you decided to lose a huge battle with Mr. E. Okay but nothing actually happened, I mean he loves me and we will get married [personally I prefer if you were in it for fun, and planning on dumping his sorry … but I wouldn’t want to sound too cynical] and let’s stay positive here, and say you do get married [Yay] and avoiding all statistics that one third of marriages – in Egypt – end in divorce after or during the first year [because we’re not like all those fools, we’re in love!] but hey, I was wrong, congratulations you made it to your second year, the rest of the story is too sad as it involves miserable children who will probably be brought up with miserable parents who hate and despise each other but agree on one thing; spending money on child therapy to fix what they had broken. And for what, maximum 3 years of teenage love! I see this is a win-win-win situation [the third win is for the future therapists, thank you for making them rich].
What can’t seem to get through my own Mr. E. [aka, brain] is why people insist on humiliating their selves and the idea of true innocent love. We keep on blindly chasing the fallacy in fear of being alone. Most of human beings would rather be in bad relationships that are obviously going nowhere than be single or alone. No matter how much you try to deny it, you are Muslim, even if only by name, you’ll eventually realize that fact, in this life or the other.
The reason why there are so many failed marriages is that people have no idea how to choose anymore. You choose your husband because he is cute, drives a Mercedes, or a BMW, handsome, and has a promising future [lol], and you choose your wife on her looks, how fun she is, and how nice her body looks, and how you magically think ‘she gets you’ [guess what, probably all girls ‘get you’ it’s the ultimate mission for girls to try and figure out guys and if she does get you she’ll probably be bored after a few years, just a heads up]. You no longer look for the mother/father of your children, the only thing you have planned for the future – if you do – is how cute your babies may look if you end up marrying each other [girls tend to think of that the minute she feels something for a guy, so guys watch out, if you’re cute you’re probably by now the proud father of many imaginary babies]. We tend to forget that our main purpose on this earth is to prepare a better generation for a better future and to – sorry I know it’s so like retro and so old fashioned – but your main purpose here is to worship God, open minded or not, believer or in major denial, you exist, God has created you, you should listen to him, as simple as that.
The minute you start justifying things to yourself, the minute the powerful Mr. E. intervenes, you know you’re in over your head and most of us are not strong enough to stop at the red line, including myself, as the red line became so vivid in the exotic world we currently live in. The sooner we stop the major denial wave we’re stuck in, the better your chance will be in experiencing true blessed love and peace. The best love of all is the one blessed by God, as it has never broke his words for the sake of temporary moments of happiness and stomach butterflies.
Love is not the butterflies you get when he calls, or the beautifully wrapped up box of chocolate you get on valentine, or the late phone calls or texts letting you know he cares, Love is so much greater than that, it’s merciful kind and compassionate, and the most important of all, that kind of love lasts forever because it’s not affection or passion, it’s the meeting of two souls, who agree to spend their lives together without ever upsetting God for the sake of something that eventually will fade away as simply everything does.
